
Have you ever been frustrated by a knot?
Was it in a shoelace, when you were already running late?
Was it tangled headphones that you fumbled with as your boss stared during a Zoom call?
Even worse, was it the delicate gold necklace that your grandmother just gave you?
Everyone can relate to one of these experiences. We all know a knot can be untied, but in a high-pressure moment that simple task might feel like performing brain surgery. Seconds feel like minutes, and every misstep increases those anxious feelings. At some point, most of us will give up and choose an alternative solution, like wearing different shoes, using the built-in microphone, or even just putting the necklace back in the box. We accept that we can’t solve the problem now and decide to try it later when emotion is less involved.
What if that time never arrived?
Imagine if every time you attempted to untie that knot, the feelings from that previous experience all came rushing back. That would kind of suck. But what if every task you faced came with a flood of emotions? That’s life with ADHD.
In the spotlight of most ADHD conversations, it's often the headliners like difficulty focusing, impulsivity, and hyperactivity that grab most of the attention – pun intended. But lurking in the background, much like the elephant in the room, is something that needs to be center stage: emotion dysregulation.
For teens with ADHD, managing tasks and responsibilities with the added challenge of dysregulated emotions often leads to procrastination. The added layer of emotions inhibits executive function and can make tasks and projects feel like trying to assemble a jigsaw puzzle without a picture; you have all the pieces but no guide on how they go together. This uncertainty often leads to an intense form of procrastination – a mental paralysis where even thinking about a task feels daunting, like a mountain of blank puzzle pieces piled before you.
The ADHD - Procrastination Puzzle

Before we begin to solve this puzzle, it’s essential to consider what procrastination is. For much of my life, it was summed up in one word: laziness. Procrastination was considered a willful, often defiant, decision to delay or not complete a task. Today, though, thanks to cognitive and psychological research, we’re starting to see that this avoidant behavior is often far from intentional. In fact, it’s usually the symptom of an unresolved problem surrounding the task. Identifying the problem is the key to moving beyond procrastination and progressing your task forward.
While everyone procrastinates occasionally, it tends to be a persistent challenge for us ADHDers. I’ll discuss several of the major reasons later, but I think it’s worth restating that laziness and defiance are not on that list. Understanding and acknowledging how ADHD affects your teen’s approach to tasks and responsibilities is crucial to helping them tackle procrastination.
At this point, I need to point out that this discussion has focused on the more common type of procrastination, ‘Passive Procrastination.’ While this type is considered “bad,” another type, ‘Active Procrastination,’ can be regarded as “good.” Before we dive into mitigation strategies for the problematic type, let’s quickly compare each through the lens of your teen.
Passive Procrastination |
Freezing or Fleeing to Avoid Hard Feelings |
From the outsider’s perspective, this type might look like a classic case of simply not getting around to doing things. However, delve a bit deeper, and you'll find it's more nuanced, especially in the context of ADHD. It's not just about not wanting to do a task; it's often about feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to begin. When faced with a task shrouded in ambiguity or lacking clear instructions, your teen might find themselves stuck, akin to a deer in headlights. Instead of being a deliberate choice, this type of procrastination is more of an involuntary response to uncertainty or complexity. The task becomes a looming cloud in their mind, contributing to a sense of anxiety rather than motivation. This inertia isn't a lack of effort or care; it's a challenge in processing and initiating tasks, often requiring external support or a different approach to break the cycle of procrastination. If you’ve ever found your teen looking for reasons to do anything but homework, even though they started the assignment two hours ago, they’re likely stuck and using avoidance to distract from the discomfort.
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Active Procrastination |
Strategically Kicking the Can Down the Road |
At first glance, this type can look like that outdated concept of willful avoidance, putting off tasks till the last minute. Upon closer inspection, your teen’s decision to delay specific tasks may actually be a strategic approach to managing their workload. This strategy can be helpful when the task is straightforward, but your teen needs more motivation to get started. Instead of allowing a boring or tedious task to weigh on their mind (passive procrastination), they can actively decide on a time closer to the due date to complete the work. Urgency is a powerful motivator for the ADHD brain, providing the kick-start your teen might need to begin and persevere through the task. That simple act of defining a later time to complete the task has an additional benefit; it frees up cognitive processing for challenging tasks. A word of caution: This strategy can be very effective and rewarding, leading to more frequent use. Overreliance on this option can backfire when a growing list of delayed tasks is met with unforeseen circumstances, resulting in more tasks needing completion than time will allow. |

Who, What, Where, When, How & WHY! - Ambiguity Abounds
If you were to track the underlying reason each time your teen avoided completing a task, you’re likely to find ambiguity dominating the field. That’s because it's not just about the lack of clarity in the what, where, when, or how of a task; it also encompasses the many psychological uncertainties that might be plaguing your teen’s mind, stalling every attempt at progress. Here are some common ways ambiguity can lead to procrastination:
Unclear Instructions or Goals: When tasks or assignments lack specific directions or clear objectives, it can leave teens unsure about how to start or what to aim for, leading to procrastination.
Perfectionism: The desire to complete a task perfectly can create a form of ambiguity. Teens may procrastinate because they are unsure if they can meet their own high standards or are afraid of producing subpar work.
Fear of Failure: The uncertainty about the outcome of a task can lead to fear of failure. This fear often results in avoiding the task altogether, as not attempting it feels safer than failing.
Decision-Making Challenges: Ambiguity can arise from having too many choices or options. When teens are unsure about the best course of action, they might delay making decisions and, consequently, delay starting the task.
Indecision About Prioritization: When faced with multiple tasks or projects, the ambiguity in prioritizing which one to tackle first can lead to procrastination. The indecision creates a stalemate where no task gets attention.
Unpredictable Outcomes: Ambiguity about how a task will be received – by teachers, peers, or parents – can be paralyzing. This uncertainty about the reaction or feedback can cause teens to delay starting or completing the task.
Overwhelm from Task Complexity: When a task seems too complex or overwhelming, the ambiguity lies in not knowing how to break it down into manageable parts. This can lead to a standstill, where the teen feels stuck and unable to proceed.
Looking at that list, it’s easy to see how frequently emotional dysregulation and Executive Function challenges contribute to a cycle of procrastination. Working in concert they can lead to mental paralysis where your teen not only feels stuck but is also unclear about where or how they’re stuck. Fortunately, there are ways to tackle this problem and empower your teen to break the cycle.
Self-Efficacy - Ambiguity’s Kryptonite
Let’s take a moment to recall the frustration, embarrassment, or worry brought on by those darn knots. Knowing those feelings will rush back or worsen the moment you even think about the knots, how long do you believe you could persevere before giving up again?

The answer will depend on three factors:
Your Motivation
What's the value of untieing the knot?
Your Competence
Do you possess the skills to untie the knot?
Your Confidence Do you believe you will be able to untie the knot?
While these factors are all necessary to persist through a difficult task, diving into the complexities of motivation could turn this article into a book. Let’s focus on competence and confidence, the underpinnings of self-efficacy; this is about believing in one's ability to succeed in specific situations. For teens with ADHD, building self-efficacy is vital to overcoming procrastination and managing tasks, especially those shrouded in ambiguity.
Self-efficacy is distinctly different from self-concept and self-esteem but equally important. Let’s break these down to see how each relates to your teen.
Self-Efficacy Simply put, this is the belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific tasks or situations. For example, your teen might feel confident in their ability to solve a math problem (high self-efficacy in math) but less sure in writing an essay (lower self-efficacy in writing). Self-efficacy represents a person's faith in their skill set to undertake and complete tasks toward achieving specific goals effectively.
Self-Concept
This comprehensive self-awareness includes beliefs about personal abilities and identity. It's your teen’s answer to, "Who am I?" rather than, “What can I do?” For instance, your teen may see themselves as a 'math whiz' or a 'social activist,' contributing to their self-concept.
Self-Esteem
Self-esteem involves an individual's assessment of their worth or value. It’s about how much your teen respects themselves and feels assured about who they are, not just about what they can achieve. Individuals with high self-esteem maintain a positive view of themselves, independent of their abilities or accomplishments.
For our purposes, we're zooming in on self-efficacy. It's about helping your teen believe they can successfully complete specific tasks, particularly those they find ambiguous and challenging. Building task-specific self-efficacy can be a powerful motivator for teens with ADHD, encouraging them to engage with tasks they might otherwise avoid due to uncertainty or fear of failure.
As parents, you can nurture your teen’s self-efficacy in various areas. These include recognizing and celebrating small successes, setting achievable goals, offering positive reinforcement, modeling problem-solving, and encouraging a practical approach to tackling tasks. By focusing on building self-efficacy, you're equipping your teen with the belief and confidence that they can handle specific challenges, which is essential in reducing procrastination and enhancing motivation.
Four Steps to Overcoming Ambiguity
Building on the foundation of self-efficacy, let's explore a four-step strategy to help your teen tackle task ambiguity. This approach aims to empower them to overcome procrastination and enhance their self-efficacy and self-advocacy skills.
Step 1 - Accepting the Challenge |
The first step is recognizing that ambiguity can be a significant challenge for your teen with ADHD. Understand that their procrastination is not willful but a response to uncertainty. Open Dialogue: Engage in open conversations with your teen about the tasks they find challenging. Listen actively to their concerns to understand their perspective.
Acknowledge the Difficulty:
Validate their feelings regarding the task's ambiguity. This acknowledgment is crucial in building their self-efficacy, showing that you understand and appreciate their challenges.
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Step 2 - Identifying the Ambiguity with Your Teen |
Collaboratively work with your teen to identify specific ambiguous aspects of a task, enhancing their problem-solving and self-advocacy skills. Break Down the Task: Sit with your teen and break the task into smaller, more manageable components. This approach helps pinpoint the confusing parts and reinforces their ability to tackle complex tasks. Ask Guiding Questions: Encourage your teen to articulate their uncertainties. Questions like “Which part of this assignment is unclear to you?” or “What information do you think you’re missing?” or “What about this task feels overwhelming?” can guide them in expressing their needs and fostering self-advocacy. |
Step 3 - Empowering Your Teen to Find Solutions |
After recognizing the ambiguities, encourage your teen to find solutions. This step strengthens their sense of control, self-efficacy, and independence. Brainstorm Together: Collaborate with your teen in brainstorming potential solutions. This cooperative effort shows that you’re a team, yet places the responsibility on them, boosting their self-confidence. Encourage Independence: Prompt your teen to take the initiative in solving these ambiguities. This empowers them to make decisions, fostering both self-efficacy and self-advocacy. |
Step 4 - Supporting Action Steps |
Guide your teen in translating their ideas into actionable steps, a crucial move from planning to execution. Set Small, Achievable Goals: Assist your teen in setting small, achievable goals. This strategy makes the task more approachable and provides opportunities for your teen to experience success, reinforcing their self-efficacy. Create a Timeline: Develop a realistic timeline for each task step with your teen, adding structure and clarity. Check-ins and Adjustments: Conduct regular check-ins to support progress. These sessions are opportunities to make necessary adjustments and offer positive feedback, further encouraging self-efficacy and self-advocacy. |
Important Note - Understanding your role as a parent
As a parent raising two ADHD children through their teens, I have experienced varying degrees of success in supporting the many aspects of their developmental growth. Through those trials and tribulations, and even more so through my coaching training, I have found that the most meaningful learning happens when we empower our teens to take the lead. I know how tempting it is to try to “teach” our kids how to learn and problem-solve. However, it runs counter to the self-efficacy our teens must develop to live positive, productive, and independent lives.
Empowerment and guidance strike a delicate balance in promoting self-efficacy and independence in teens with ADHD. Here are several ways we can nurture these vital traits:
Encourage Decision-Making |
Involve your teen in the decision-making process regarding their educational journey and how they manage responsibilities. This might mean giving them the autonomy to select their own study times or decide on the methods they find most effective for completing tasks. |
Provide Resources, Not Answers |
Instead of solving problems for your teens, equip them with tools and guidance to discover solutions independently. This method develops their ability to solve problems and their sense of autonomy. |
Step Back, But Be Available |
Give your teen the freedom to complete tasks independently, but be clear that your guidance is just a question away. This approach nurtures autonomy while ensuring they feel supported. |
Celebrate Their Efforts |
Recognize and celebrate their efforts, not just the outcomes. Praise their hard work, resilience, and problem-solving, regardless of whether the immediate result was successful. |
Open and Supportive Dialogue |
Maintain open lines of communication where your teen feels comfortable sharing their challenges and successes. Listen actively and offer support without judgment. |
Model Positive Problem-Solving |
Demonstrate practical problem-solving skills in your daily life. When your teen sees you handling challenges calmly and methodically, they learn to emulate these behaviors. |
Teach Self-Advocacy Skills |
Encourage your teen to communicate their needs and challenges, whether at school or in other areas of their life. This equips them to actively manage their own learning and personal growth. |
ADHD Coaching - An Experienced Guide for Your Teen (or You)
Effectively supporting your ADHD teen requires a comprehensive strategy, and working with an ADHD coach can be a key component. An ADHD coach partners with teens and parents to provide personalized support. Their knowledge and expertise in the challenges of living with ADHD can assist your teen in developing tailored approaches to address their challenges. An ADHD coach can collaborate with your teen to build critical skills, like:
Creating structure through scheduling, goal-setting, and organization
Learning study and academic strategies
Developing mechanisms for impulse control
Identifying strengths and interests to foster confidence
Practicing social and communication skills
Encouraging healthy lifestyle habits around sleep, nutrition, and exercise
By working one-on-one with a teen, an ADHD coach provides the accountability, guidance, and empowerment to embrace differences and discover potential. The customized support of a coach can be a game-changer in helping teens successfully play up their strengths and develop skills to face any challenge. But ADHD coaching isn’t just beneficial for teens; it can also be valuable for parents. Coaches can offer guidance on effectively supporting your teen, improving communication, and addressing challenges in the parent-teen dynamic.
Final Thoughts
Supporting your teen with ADHD is a collaborative and ongoing process. It involves understanding and acknowledging their unique strengths and challenges, empowering them with strategies and tools, and providing a supportive environment for them to thrive. Your role as a parent is pivotal in guiding your teen through the maze of procrastination and ambiguity. Remember, learning any new skill can be messy. The path to mastery necessitates setbacks and occasional failures to make the journey worthwhile. Be patient, experiment with different strategies, and celebrate the small victories along the way. With the proper support, understanding, and tools, your teen will learn to manage their tasks more effectively and gain confidence in their abilities.
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